vely.

See through.

2012-01-21T14:26:00.001-05:00

I may not have the best luck in romance, but I'm blessed with amazing friends.

My chance, your loss.

2012-01-20T10:22:00.003-05:00

That's it. I'm done being vulnerable and all that shit. I'm done with you

making me feel so terrible and awful. We shall just stay as friends.

Faith.

2012-01-18T02:55:00.003-05:00

This is the very reason why I have trust issue. It's like I took one step forward

only to find myself taking two steps back by whatever it is that you're doing.

Sometimes you just have to trust that whatever that's meant to happen, will

happen. At the right time & place, with the right person. Cheer up, butterfly.

Yours.

2012-01-10T22:57:00.001-05:00

happiness.. it's in your hands.

The shadows killed the light.

2012-01-09T23:11:00.002-05:00

Because I was trying to protect myself from getting hurt, I ended up with

this. Nothing. I have no one to blame for why I'm acting this way but myself.

I shouldn't let the past haunt me, but it's hard. It's hard when you've gotten

yourself hurt for so many times and not have the past haunt you. It's not

like I didn't try, because I did. This time around, if what Anthony said is

true, I may have just ruined what could possibly be something beautiful.

I feel sorry for myself. But I've apologized, I've put my ego aside and once

again, I let myself be vulnerable just so things would be okay. The thing is,

if you're not going to do anything but instead just leaving me hanging like

this, I think I know better. I should just forget this and start moving on.

Because there's only so much I can take, and I've done all that I could.

So here I am, another quiet night, another lonely night. For what it's

worth if you're reading this at all, I'm sorry. I wish you the best.

last friday night.

2012-01-07T18:59:00.003-05:00

I can't wait for the school to reopen! Lowell is so boring, but I don't blame the

it, honestly. Everything would be better if I actually have a car and a valid license.

Uh yeah, boo-hoo. I should stop being lazy and find out how I can get it all done.

Anyway, went to Boston yesterday! I love that city. So many memories plastered

all over it within these past five months. First real date, first new year's kiss, first

out door ice-skating, and more. It felt so good to be back there.. out of this town.

Took the train from Lowell to Boston and then the Subway to Copley. Had some

Japanese curry with chicken cutlets and rice. I missed the taste. I'm so sick of the

same old pizzas and pastas. Window-shopped, strolled along the sidewalk.. it was

a definite peaceful day. Made friend with a street performer, Zack, satisfied my

long overdue craving for Starbucks, went to the frog pond, ice skated the evening

away. Had my first fall, it hurts.. so bad. Overall, I most definitely had a good day.

Planned to go out and take some pictures today, but I fell back asleep. What's new?

Haha. Gonna cook something for my hungry tummy right after this person is done

fixing the fridge. Well, I hope you're having a good weekend, wherever you are.

feet on the ground.

2012-01-04T19:51:00.002-05:00

"you can't control the things that happen to you, but you

can control the way you react -- it's all perception."

the hope of a new year.

2012-01-01T13:10:00.009-05:00

2011 has definitely been a bitter-sweet year and definitely has taught me a lot.

It scares me to know how fast time is moving. It feels like it was just yesterday

I was in Bengkulu, trying to convince papa & mama to let me study psychology.

However like they say, if it's meant to be, it will happen.. When the time is right.

It's funny how when you thought that day by day nothing is going to change, but

pretty soon you'll realize that everything is different. One thing that I've learnt

the most is that life might get hard, plans, people and feelings might change, but

if you don't let go and face life with a strong, brave heart, you'll see how things

happen for a reason. You'll see how it'll get better sooner than you thought it'd

be.. and in time, you'll realize that every struggle in your life has shaped you into

the person you are today -- a stronger you. Don't say that 2011 sucked, or that

it's been really bad that you don't have enough room in your heart to be grateful

over the fact that it happened. Instead of being so negative, see everything from

a bigger picture. I promise you, you'll see a better picture. Everything happens

for a reason. If you don't see the reason now, trust that you'll see it later on and

don't give up. Life is beautiful, and God is great. Live every day like it's your last

and no matter what, always do remember that your life, is what you make of it.

And you know.. Sometimes it's okay to risk your heart. Take that leap of faith.

As for me, I've made a list of my own new year resolutions. In which one of them

has been checked. I'm glad last night happened. I went out of my shell & welcomed

2012 with a kiss. I promise to make 2012 better, for myself & for those who matter

to me. So here's to 2012, may it be blessed with lots of laughters, love, peace, joyful

moments, happiness, pink health & wealth. May 2012 be better & full of wonders.

"Before we pop the champagne and celebrate the new year, let us stop and reflect

on the year that has gone by. To remember both our triumphs and our missteps.

our promises made and broken. The times we opened ourselves up to great

adventures, or close ourselves down for fear of getting hurt. Because that's

what new year is all about -- getting another chance to forgive, to do better,

to do more, to give more, to love more and stop worrying about 'what if' and

start embracing what would be. So let's remember to be nice with each other,

kind to each other. And not just tonight but all year long. Happy new year."

"Sometimes it feels like there are so many things in this world we can't control.

Earthquakes, floods, reality shows.. But it is important to remember the things

that we can. Like forgiveness, second chances, fresh start.. Because the one thing

that turns the world from a lonely place to a beautiful place is love. Love in any

of its forms. Love gives us hope. Hope for the new year, that's new year's eve to me."

In 2011, I set my foot for the first time in America, I made new friends, got

hurt, fell in like with a few guys, struggled with my emotions, fought a war,

learned things I've never knew, realized how much I'm grateful for this life.

I could go on and on. That's how much 2011 has made an impact on my life.

Goodbye, 2011. Thank you for every single day with you. Thank you for the

lessons, thank you for the happy days, thank you for everything. I'll miss you.

Happy new year and let us rock 2012 like we're the mighty earthquake.

Welcome 2012!

ticks of the clock.

2011-12-30T14:46:00.002-05:00

Merry belated Christmas, and Hanukkah everybody! I'm exhausted. Arizona

and San Francisco were beyond expectations! Above all, I'm so blessed to have

such great, loving, caring cousin & her husband. They took care of me throughout

my stay, made sure I was okay and well fed. I felt like I was home. Being back

here in Lowell, it feels so different. Not only it's colder here, it's lonely too.

Most of the residents are gone for the holiday, and my friend Siddarth was

definitely right. Lowell is like a ghost town. Went to hookslide for girls' night

out last night. Man, it was boring. But it's safe to say that me and my girls were

on fire last night. The first four girls to tear up the dance floor, Su even had two

guys fighting over her. I had a little too much to drink, picked the wrong choice

of heels. Overall, I had a great time bonding with the girls, shaking my tooshies

away. We left early because it was getting way too boring. Frank was our man.

Twenty dollars for to and fro taxi fares and he gave us lollipops. Gotta love him.

Tomorrow is New Years' Eve. Can't believe 2011 is ending. Time is definitely

moving too fast. But life is what we make of it, so I'm gonna make it last.

impromptu blow up.

2011-12-22T03:17:00.002-05:00

hey, i'm all for impromptu plans and trips. but come on now for real..

impromptu cancellation? i've bought the plane tickets already! damn it.

now should i go ahead, or pay cancellation fees? decisions.. decisions...

don't tempt me.

2011-12-20T12:53:00.002-05:00

i am extremely disappointed, beyond outraged. i don't understand why they
have to be so secretive (in a way) about this whole working with navitas. why
some of us didn't even know about the job openings until we heard that there
are students working with navitas and they are getting their ssn. if there is any
reasons as to why this happened, i certainly would like to know. but honestly,
the whole thing just shattered navitas' image. more actions, less sweet talks.

please.

wonderstruck.

2011-12-19T15:21:00.003-05:00

hello from phoenix, AZ! hours of sitting beside one weird stranger in the plane
was definitely worth it! home alone right now. cousin and her husband went
off to work when i was still sleeping. went to natal street last night and it was
magical. the decorative lights, the people.. almost felt like i was in a movie.

i'm thinking of transferring to either umass amherst or umass darthmouth.
both of them are offering clinical psychology course. i still don't know how
i can go about doing that though. a few more days till MAT test. a few more
days until christmas. a few more days until new year. i honestly can't wait!

procrastination princess.

2011-12-15T03:11:00.005-05:00

damn distractions. once again i procrastinated and i have less than three

days to finish my final exam and three discussion papers. on a brighter

note.. phoenix on saturday, new york for new year! will be counting down

with the other navitas students. can't wait! 'til then, i've got papers to kill.

2011-12-06T12:42:00.001-05:00

"i am like so past that — i don't even care! i don't even remember
that time in my life. i am over it! i just realized that i'm better off without
him. so i ended it because i deserve something much better! he wasn't
right for me and i will eventually find somebody who loves me for
who i am. i am having so much fun." - paris hilton.

2011-12-06T00:56:00.004-05:00

"one man's thrash is another man's treasure."

best thing you never had.

2011-12-04T23:48:00.007-05:00

i am finally, legally 21. had the raddest birthday party with the awesome friends.

although one particular someone did attempt to ruin it by sending a Facebook

message that started off with a "happy birthday" but ended it with bitter words.

i honestly never thought you'd send such message, because you never really did

say anything much, when i asked, you said i kept on talking about the same thing.

i took your words of "i'm taking this way slower than i was going at first" and i

got this. you assumed that i had expected it. but then again, what's done is done.

blaming it on me by saying "you called on it" really doesn't make sense to me.

i'm not sorry it didn't work out. you never really did anything for me to trust

you. if only you had the decency to call me instead of sending me that message,

i would probably still want to be your friend. if you had the decency to tell me

that earlier instead of on my birthday, i would probably still want to be your

friend. if you actually had taken my feelings into consideration, i would do the

same. honestly though, i wish you the best in life, you'll still be in my prayers.

'nuff of that yesterday story. i can't wait for school to end! arizona, cali, and

more places to see! as of now, i'm stuck with a research paper due on tuesday.

put a dot.

2011-12-01T01:07:00.001-05:00

wait a minute. it's not me. it's you.

so enough.

2011-11-29T23:40:00.002-05:00

i was about to type my thoughts out into a whole chunk of words.

but i changed my mind. i'll just write a letter, of my unspoken words,

of the things that i wish i could tell you, but i never will. enough.

still an airhead.

2011-11-29T11:57:00.000-05:00

"calling when you say you're going to call is the very first brick in the

house you are building of love and trust. if he can't lay this one stupid brick

down, you ain't never gonna have a house, baby. and it's cold outside."

"cut your losses and don't waste your time. why stay in some weird dating

limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory?"

"you deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time."

breathe, it's life.

2011-11-28T23:46:00.008-05:00

it's been a rough couple of weeks.. what happened? what always happen, life.

a small part of me is crushed over the fact that i fell down a little too deep.

but a bigger part of me, i'm glad i did. like they say, you'll never know what

you're made of until you're being put in a situation that pushes you to your

limit. i fell, but i know that i will be okay.. in time. now.. on a brighter note,

i had the best first thanksgiving. mirakel invited me to her house for dinner.

the food was scrumptious, the company was beyond wonderful, i felt blessed.

being around such great family, it made me realized about so many things.

and it definitely made me think about the things that i have had overlooked.

despite all of the bad things that i am facing right now, i have so much more

things that i am very thankful of. i'll be twenty-one in a few days. i have plans.

this life.. it's only going to be how we make of it. and i.. will make mine great.

now excuse me, i have three discussion response papers, two research

papers, and a whole lot more of other assignments to finish. love always.

deepest depth.

2011-11-19T23:35:00.003-05:00

"There is a beauty in a woman whose confidence comes from

experiences -- who knows she can fall, pick herself up, & move on."

you got hurt, but that doesn't mean you should stop trying.

please love yourself. love, the little girl in you.

running.

2011-11-16T10:43:00.003-05:00

I am the rule.

4 days.

2011-11-15T16:07:00.001-05:00

What am I suppose to do throughout the four days? Shops will be closed, people will be spending time with their families, dining hall will be closed, and so will the gym too. Mama, papa I want to go back home!

i..

2011-11-15T09:21:00.003-05:00

deserve to be happy, deserve to be treated right, deserve to know the truth,

deserve to smile and so much more. you're out there, i'll be patient for you.

i believe it'll happen when the time is right with someone that's right for me.

untangling complications.

2011-11-14T22:55:00.004-05:00

kisses make things complicated. sweet talks make things complicated.

above all, falling too fast for someone make things even more complicated.

i wish i have the power to read minds. i'm leaving it all to God. just friends...

i like you.

2011-11-14T16:23:00.002-05:00

yeah i like you. i should stop blogging for the time being and start having more

conversations with God instead. thank you, J. I hope you'll feel better soon.

always.

cling cling.

2011-11-14T11:18:00.005-05:00

I love it when people are affectionate with me. I like when they always

invite me places, or text me, or call me, I wouldn’t even mind if they

blew up my fb wall with hearts and what not. I would rather have

that person than someone who makes me text them first all the

time & replies back 10 hours later or someone who forgets.

open eyes.

2011-11-14T08:24:00.002-05:00

"I cut you out because I couldn’t stand being a passing fancy."

what is it?

2011-11-13T15:23:00.006-05:00

i've not been feeling too good lately. mainly because i let myself to not feel

good, i guess. i took a nap, hoped i'd feel better when i wake up. but no, i

woke up realizing i just had a weird, sad and scary dream all jumbled into

one. first i was talking to J on the phone, couldn't hear anything what he's

saying, he sounded pissed and angry so i said sorry and hung up. then i

walked along the roads trying to find my way to the nearest train station.

somehow i walked into an alley where men were peeing. i ran out and

saw a lady lying down on a grass, smoking. i asked her for directions and

she started saying about why would i want to go to the train station. i

responded back.. but not too long i realized she's not there anymore.

i ran away, i was terrified. i reached a coffee shop, and met someone i

know. and then my mom and cousins came. they told me to give bubble

tea to the ghost and say sorry for disturbing them. i thought we were

about to leave but i saw my mom had changed into her pajamas. i asked

her if we're staying here, but she called my name instead. i was trying

to get to her and then i heard my grandma's voice calling out to me.

and then i woke up. i wish i didn't wake up. i wish i stayed in my dream

long enough to know what my grandma was trying to tell me. i miss

you. please meet me in my dream again tonight and talk to me.

wishful thinking.

2011-11-12T01:07:00.008-05:00

so many things are going on right now and i'm about to fall off the bridge that i've

been building. every little things annoy me, pushing me to the edge. just when

i thought everything were going so well. it's always been like that, life's like that.

i was fine, i finally got pieces of myself back together. but seems like i'm back to

ground zero. this is why i create distance. so nobody could ever come close enough

to hurt me. expectation is the root of all heartache. the thing about me is that

i tend to expect a lot. that is probably why i'm unhappy. i expect things to happen

when nothing is really there. i expect things to go well all the time when i know

they won't always go that way. i need to stop myself from expecting for everything.

i've grown tired. i am tired. this post doesn't make any sense. i'm going to sleep

it all off. yesterday was 11 November 2011, welcome to the world Fiona, my little

precious newborn niece! and of course happy veterans' day soldiers.. and you.

lend a hand.. or more.

2011-11-09T08:29:00.001-05:00

Please click here to do a survey that I did. It's for my research paper.. so please!

a very happy birthday.

2011-11-06T11:36:00.013-05:00

such a cold night, you were late because of the traffic. almost lost my hope, but

all the excitement came back as soon as i was sitting in the shuttle bus knowing

i was minutes away from seeing your face. hid behind the pillar but it didn't take

long until you found me. you hugged me for the first time, it felt surreal. it was

awkward for me, i was nervous. you sat beside me for the first time, i felt safe.

we made our way to your car. you opened the door for me, it felt good to be treated

right. sat on your book and sunglasses, i felt stupid. you took them off my hands

and put it right under my seat. we drove around looking for a place to eat. parked

your car at chilli's parking lot, walked over to the door only to found out that it's

been locked. we drove again. you told me you need to do something and asked for

my hand. when you held my hand with yours, my heart was beating faster. you let

it go because you realized that you were driving on a dead-end road. there was a

police's car, you rolled down your window and asked for directions. i was amazed,

impressed by your politeness. i've never met anyone as proper, as polite, as nice

as you, ever. we drove back to icc and decided to sit at the lounge. i was nervous.

you knew it, told me i shouldn't be, that there's no reason for me to be nervous.

in between our talks, after midnight, you said happy birthday to me. i was happy.

you were telling me about the bartender that you met. she was there when we

were sitting around at the lounge, talking. she kept on looking at us, and finally

came over to you with a little note on her hand. you smiled and said thank you.

you said she wrote that i looked beautiful on the note. i didn't know how to react.

you sent me home, came out of your car, and gave me another hug. i liked that.

next day, i was anticipating our date. you called me, telling me that you were here.

i brought mabel along to meet you outside. i walked out with her, and there you

were, walking towards me with your sunglasses on. i felt lucky. you shook hand

with mabel, and we bid her goodbye. we got in your car and drove off to boston.

i loved our small talks in the car, how you were telling me stories, introducing

me to the music that you listen to. i kept telling myself that all this would end

as soon as the night comes, i cried. it was painful to know all of the possibilities.

we reached a restaurant and grabbed some food to fill our tummies. it felt weird

to actually go out with a guy who actually paid for everything. a good kind of weird.

we sat on a table, facing each other. we talked, i told you my worries, you put me to

place. we didn't know if we should put the dirty dishes on the counter or just leave

it there, so we decided to just leave them on the table. as we walked out of the

restaurant, i felt a little less nervous. you made me feel comfortable, and i loved it.

we got to boston. we were on one of the roads and some foul smell filled the car.

i kept quiet, but you read my mind. you told me it wasn't you or the car, it was

something from outside. i laughed, i was happy that we're getting getting more

comfortable with each other. your dad called, i was impressed by your manners.

although your dad didn't say hi, i was glad that you have such great relationship

with him. you told me about him, i'm glad he's doing great. we reached the parking

lot. i saw the fees that you'd have to pay, but you said you didn't mind and the

most it's gonna cost you was thirty five dollars. we asked for directions to the art

museum. walked our way to the museum and my hands started to freeze. so you

held my hand and tried to warm both of them for me. i felt how your thumb

rubbed against my fingers tenderly, but i kept quiet and secretly enjoyed the

feeling. we walked around the shopping mall. passing by people and stores as

we walked. there were times when you let go of my hand, i felt sad -- in a way.

and then there were times where you'd try to grab a hold of my hand.. adorable.

we walked by a chocolate store, and you bought chocolate coated strawberries.

you ate three of them and said that you've had enough. i held the cone with

two strawberries left in it. i wanted something to hold, to remind me that this

was real. we walked by a stall that sells tickets for the skywalk's entry. you said

we could eat there, but i was hesitant because it'd probably cost you a lot. you

said you didn't mind. you paid for the tickets, i felt uneasy because i've never

had anyone spending so much on my other than my parents. deep down in me

i felt such overwhelming feeling of gratitude. we checked out the skywalk. i was

beyond amazed, wonderstruck. it was beautiful -- the sunset, the buildings, you.

we took the lift, went up to floor 52 to make a reservation at the restaurant but

the only available slot was at 10.30, you said okay anyway. we went back down

to the mall and we walked aimlessly again, passing by stores after stores until

we saw a store that was selling watches. i asked you if you wanted to take a look

and you said yes. looked around and when we were done, you said thank you.

we looked around for other restaurants and decided to settle with legal seafood.

we went back up to the skywalk platform and you asked me if i want to take picture.

i said yes, and with two flashes and snaps, we had our first two pictures taken.

cancelled the earlier reservation at top of the hub. waited for our table and when

we finally sat inside, made our orders and started talking. it was the best dinner

that i've ever had on a date. the food, the restaurant and the company. again, you

paid for it. i was grateful. we walked back to the parking lot and drove back to lowell.

throughout the whole drive, you held my hand. it has been a long time since i felt

that happy. but my fear got the best of me, i shed tears. i didn't want the ride to end.

we reached my apartment complex and i thought that was it. but no, you told me

you'd like to hang out for a little bit more. i felt relieved, happy. you took my

hand and started kissing it, sent shivers throughout my body. i asked if you'd

like to meet daisy and lucy, you said yes. met them, i am glad that they like you.

we went back into your car because it was too cold to stand outside. you said

you were going to give me an innocent kiss. you came closer, and then we kissed.

you told me you're going to drive back as far as you could until you're tired.

i didn't want you to do that so i told you to wait while i check with mabel

if she's okay with you sleeping in the living room for the night. mabel was

having some friends over at the apartment but she said she's going to fox

hall so i could have the apartment to myself. i didn't expect that she would

do that, but i'm grateful that she did it. you came into my apartment. i gave

you my blankets and pillow. you turned off the lights and fell asleep within

minutes. i slept in my room, hoped i could still catch you before you left.

woke up at quarter to four. i grabbed my pink covers and slept with it on

the other sofa. i woke up at the sound of your alarm, you did too. you said

good morning and told me that you were going to sleep for another hour.

i decided to make a cup of hot chocolate for you to drink when you wake

up. as soon as i placed it on the table, you woke up. you took a sip, told me

you liked it. you saw me covered with the pink covers and asked if i wanted

to sit beside you. i did, and you covered us with the blanket that i gave you.

and... we kissed.

i still can't believe the fact that you drove fifteen hours just to see me. i still

can't believe the fact that you still like me even when i look like a mess. i can't

believe that we kissed, i can't believe that we spent hours together. i still can't

believe that you're real, last two nights were real, i can't believe you were here.

i am thankful that God gave me the opportunity to meet someone like you.

the smell of you lingers, i could still feel your lips around mine. i miss you.

thank you for making me happy on my birthday. i hope this will work out.

two steps back, one step closer.

2011-11-04T02:39:00.002-04:00

here i am. way past midnight.. friday is finally here. this seems surreal. it scares

the hell out of me. you're making your way here, but it's been hours since i last heard

from you. i hope you're doing okay, safe. even if you change your mind, i hope you're safe.

goodnight, lowell.

shivers of the heart.

2011-11-02T06:25:00.002-04:00

it feels like i'm going in and out, tossed around by the emotional waves. all the

what ifs, all the scenes of you and others that i have playing in my head. this

is just too good to be true. i know deep down somehow my heart is still chained

within myself. i thank God for having such amazing people like faz & alli that

constantly keeping me on my feet instead of floating around to cloud nine with

a bagful of possibilities that things may change and i'd ended up getting hurt.

lightweight.

2011-11-01T17:02:00.003-04:00

"i'm a lightweight, better be careful what you say

with every word i'm blown away, you're in control of my heart
i'm a lightweight, easy to fall, easy to break
with every move my whole world shakes, keep me from falling apart
keep me from falling down, drowned in your love
it's almost all too much, handle with care
say you'll be there."

flaps of the butterflies.

2011-11-01T01:10:00.009-04:00

tonight, you told me that you thought about me. i didn't say anything but i

couldn't stop myself from smiling. tonight, we asked why we chose to talk to

each other when we can actually talk to someone else that are closer to us.

i told you my reason, you told me yours. tonight, we talked about how we met

each other. probably not the best way to meet someone, but i'm glad we did

what we did. tonight, i found myself liking you even more - not gonna stop.

tonight, i pray that this weekend will be one of the best weekends in my life.

tonight, we talked about each other. even if this doesn't work out, i'm glad

that i get the chance to know you and be your friend. but i hope this works out.

and tonight.. i'll be sleeping with a smile on my face. thank you for that, you.

falling in.

2011-10-31T13:57:00.005-04:00

don't you just love it when someone actually thinks about you?

sticky note.

2011-10-30T03:43:00.004-04:00

last friday night.. i had my first ever halloween party. huy invited me, i invited daisy

to come along with me because i didn't want to go alone. dressed up as a genie, but

most of the people mistook me as jasmine. danced the whole time, drank cups o' fruit

punch, ate cookies & fat philly. met handsome hunks and pretty chicks. drunkards, too.

yesterday, second snowfall AND first blizzard i've ever experienced. thick snow, cold

wind, snow angels and snow ball fights. but honestly, i'm getting sick of the cold

weather. i just want some sun. without the sun, everything just seems so gloomy.

i'm gonna hit the sheets now, too sleepy, too tired, i'm all drained out. nuh-night.

cloud nine with a twist.

2011-10-28T02:04:00.003-04:00

so.. i just lost my ucard. it just gets better and better. i have such awesome luck.

i swear if i were to lose anymore things, i'd punch myself in the face. damn it.

i saw my first snowfall yesterday! as soon as i get the message from my housemate

that it was snowing, i jumped off the couch, looked at the window, put on my coat,

wore my boots and ran outside like i was a ninja. the moment i stepped outside..

it was magical, i'm telling you. made & threw my first snowball too! yup, magical.

yesterday you sang for me.

butterfly captured.

2011-10-27T07:06:00.002-04:00

last night was probably the best night after a while. wheat pasta with alfredo

sauce, green tea latte, late night studying at lydon library, that shy american

guy who gave me a pencil and took care of my things, & deep talks with you..

i couldn't ask for anything better, thank you for opening up & letting me in.

and as if this isn't obvious enough already.. i like you.

whatever will be, will be.

2011-10-25T22:48:00.008-04:00

hi.

and in case you're wondering, i've been swamped with assignments and homeworks.

tomorrow, i have a try-out test for GRE. wish me luck for the math part because..

man, i dislike math like no other. to top my wonderful plate of sundae, i'm being

haunted by complications. hell, i should've known better. but that's what i always

say. what's new. i guess tonight, i'm letting go of the excessive baggage that i've

picked up. focus.. yes i need to focus. oh and the weather is so not helping at all!

it's been getting colder and according to the weather application on my iPhone,

it'll only get worse this week. yay. now i know why people say the weather can

really affects your mood. i've been feeling depressed, lonely & whatnot. pathetic.

but anyway, i bought halloween costumes today! not one but two. call me crazy.

i just lost my train of thoughts. so i'm just gonna watch some movies to make

myself feel better. before i go though, i'd like to share this quotes to you ladies.

"calling when you say you're going to call is the very first brick in the

house you are building of love and trust. if he can't lay this one stupid brick

down, you ain't never gonna have a house, baby. and it's cold outside."

"cut your losses and don't waste your time. why stay in some weird dating

limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory?"

"you deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time."

okay.. fine.

maybe these are more for me. because i'm apparently i'm the one with an air-head.

2011-10-23T14:01:00.001-04:00

i lost my money. what else now?

sunday blues.

2011-10-23T13:13:00.002-04:00

how come when you like a guy a lot, they don't text you? how come when you

like a guy, they don't treat you like they did on day one? yeah. how come?

i deserve better than this.

stop.

2011-10-21T14:14:00.000-04:00

just stop it right here. stop.

just a cat, meow.

2011-10-20T23:36:00.003-04:00

girl.. i don't know what's your problem with me, but lay off me. i don't have

anything against you, never did anything to hurt you. for God's sake, i barely

know you. all was well, until who knows what happened, we stopped talking.

i kinda have an idea of what's probably going on, but let's just assume that

i'm right. you're older than me, you should've known better than to just hear

one side of the story. just because one person (or more, who knows) told

you one thing, that doesn't make what you heard legit. i mean come on!

everybody knows there's two sides in everything. i can live with all the bitch

stares, the stupid whispers and all that thrash, honestly. but just a piece of

advice, don't make yourself look even more pathetic by indirectly posting

things about me. again, i'm assuming, but whatever. if you do have anything

or problem against me, come and talk to me. sounds cliche as shit, but really.

just saying.

letter to God.

2011-10-20T00:58:00.004-04:00

dear God, i don't know if this is meant to be, but i know this happens for a reason.

i don't know why, or what i did to be given a chance to meet someone like him.

You know me the best. it's been less than a month, but i'm beginning to like this

guy. i don't want to get hurt, but i hope this will work to the point that it stings.

please, help me out. if this is meant to be, guide me through this. if this is not,

please help me to understand why. but i really, really do wish this will work out.

because i really, really, really do like him. above all, thank You for this.

words of love from mama.

2011-10-19T00:43:00.008-04:00

"you are beautiful and smart, you've got everything. you're not a beggar, so don't ever

beg for someone's love. if he can't respect you, treat you the way you should be

treated or treasure you, leave. there's someone out there that is better."

either home during winter break and have a family vacation, or go on an adventure

by myself. to be honest, both sound tempting. but for now, studies come first.

here's to sleepless nights, countless articles to read and brighter future. ♥

end.

2011-10-18T23:45:00.003-04:00

it's always like this. just when i thought i could open up to someone, they will

always, ALWAYS, end up hurting me. this is stupid, and i am done with these

people who won't appreciate me and my efforts to put my heart and myself out

there. i am done being a doormat, the girl who always fall for the traps and

bullshits, and all the complications that come with getting to know a guy.

i'm saving myself, my future and you, are not going to be part of it.

unfolding my heart.

2011-10-18T00:58:00.003-04:00

it seems unfair for me to somehow being negative all the time towards you.

tonight, i've decided to open up a little bit more to you. so don't hurt me.

1.18AM: on a second thought, forget about it.

a little too crazy.

2011-10-17T01:56:00.006-04:00

constantly replaying the same voice mail over and over again..

peeking on my cellphone every now and then hoping to see a text

from you.. staring at your smile for minutes while smiling to myself..

i thought it'd be easy to just pass you off like i did to any other guys.

i like you, for that i'm afraid. even though you can be a weirdo

and a little crazy.. i hope this would turn into something better.

complications.

2011-10-16T20:56:00.002-04:00

you know.. i don't get it, never will get it.

guys are confusing bunch of human beings.

never weekend.

2011-10-15T09:30:00.002-04:00

the sun is out today. i woke up late & i was supposed to go for my volunteer

work today, but i missed it. yup. i missed it. the dude came and (tried) to

pick me up at 8.30 but no.. i was still snoozing away. woke up and started

panicking like nuts only to find out from sokny that i don't have to go there

anymore and that she'll see me next week for the next volunteer work. damn.

i sent her and the dude (i hope he's not cute, lol) each a long ass text message.

and that's about it. i'm left with no other plan for my weekend. God I must

be the boringest person alive. perhaps i'll just take a stroll to the river...

but anyway.. i hope your weekend is going better than mine! God bless.

rule of thumb.

2011-10-14T20:34:00.003-04:00

"if someone wants to talk to you, if someone wants to communicate,

if someone wants to make things work.. then they'll find a way."

dating.

2011-10-14T11:16:00.011-04:00

i've never been in such situation for so long. and to my surprise, it's killing me.

don't get me wrong, i enjoy the chase, getting to know someone and all that.

it's probably me. maybe i'm not ready for this, maybe i'm still stuck in the

chains of the past, maybe i'm too naive, maybe i'm.. too scared of the worst.

i'm putting so much pressure on myself that it hurts. it's hard to want to step

on to another side but at the same time not wanting to get hurt like i did in

the past. i put every single thing under a microscope, over analyzing every

single details. this is stupid. i want to be close with you so bad, but i need

to protect myself, my heart. maybe i should listen to the words i'm hearing.

i like you, and because of that fact, i'm terrified.

maybe i should run away before this gets too far...

but God, you're way too good to be true!

complications.

2011-10-11T09:25:00.004-04:00

i don't know why but i always seem to fall for the wrong damn guys.

complications. i'm not sure if i can handle anymore of those but

i very well know that i sure don't need any of those in my already

complicated life. life, please surprise me with something good will ya?

..before i go insane.

2011-10-02T11:56:00.000-04:00

i am thankful to be blessed with real friends in my life.

animalistic side of girls' world.

2011-09-28T01:07:00.003-04:00

trust me when i say i've been dying to rant and type a whole chunk of words. honestly,

i never thought i'd be in this same old shit that i'm in right now. if i were to be my

old-self, i'd be crying and probably beg my parents to let me get a transfer or something.

i find it stupid how some people that are older than me act like they're some high

school teenagers. i am one of the many people who are strongly against bullying.

i've been bullied before, and trust me, i know the feeling well enough that i wouldn't,

never ever, wish for anyone else to feel what i once felt. the feeling is THAT bad.

i don't know what started this, but i personally think that if you have anything

against me, you should just speak up to me. you don't have the right to just spread

out rumors about me like you're spreading peanut butter and jelly. i mean, what

century are you living in? (and mind if i ask how old are you? yeah.) so last century.

it really doesn't make any sense to me, how those people suddenly act so differently

when the day before, they were perfectly fine (and friendly) towards me. bullcrap.

i don't appreciate certain people coming into my life, with their stupid crappy masks.

acting like they're all sweet, sugar coats all of their words and the next day, they

act like you're invisible. they say, "those who gossips with you, will gossip about you"

i couldn't agree more to that. throughout the past few weeks that i've been here i've

realized that not all people who talk sweetly to you are genuinely sweet. they may

very well be one of those manipulative, hypocrites, two-faced freaks. you won't know

until they start to try to break you slowly. i've always known that it isn't easy to find

real, genuine friends. on another hand, i didn't know it would actually be this hard.

i've never been one that has countless of close friends. i tend to push people away.

i don't know why, but i guess it's just me. i get annoyed if anyone is getting too close

with me. and if i've pushed you in a way or another, i'm sorry. i don't even know if this

post makes any sense. bottom-line, i'm afraid of drifting away & i want my friends back.

...my real friends.

something about confidence.

2011-09-22T03:42:00.007-04:00

hi, everyone! in case any of you is wondering, i've been doing fine. although

sometimes the chilly weather, homeworks, articles, and assignments are trying

to kill me.. i'm fine. i'm slowly getting used to everything. what frustrates me

is that, being here, it's so different compared to being in my hometown or even

singapore, in a good and bad way. but, i can honestly say that i like it here.

anyway, attended glee club's first karaoke night. it was fun, but one thing about

it though, is that the only way you can shut everybody in the room out is by

singing your heart out. like literally, you have to stun them with your voice.

otherwise, it'd be like a market place, shopping center, plaza, school, all jumbled

up into one. it was so noisy that you have to shout while talking just so the other

person can hear you. apart from all that, i had a good time. blushed several times

(something that i haven't been doing for quite a while, btw) because this cute

officer of glee club was around. hahaha! oh good Lord, when will i learn.

see, my initial plan was to sing jason mraz's 'i'm yours', but since somebody else

called dibs on it first, i ended up doing a duet with su young. the song? 'love story'

by taytay. it wasn't so bad actually, i just think it could be better. oh well,

i had fun. that's what matter more, right? right. note to self, be more confident!

moving on. skyped with mama right after i came home to my apartment. was telling

her about how su has so many admirers and yet i have none. nada. nil. zero. it's depressing,

do you know? trying to look at it in a more positive way, i guess it's not my time yet.

then again, being single for almost 2 years is depressing! i mean, the whole situation

will somehow bring all these thoughts about "is there something wrong with me?",

"what should i do to make someone like me?" and all other unnecessary stupid thoughts.

but to think again, i'd rather be single than to go through all shitty the things that

i've gone through in the past. no more of being a doormat, third person or whatever.

mmm, well, it's about twenty minutes to four in the morning and i have a class

at eleven past thirty. i better drag my tired ass to my bed. being absent is NOT

an option. yup! i'm not risking my chance of getting a green card, hahaha! till then!

the start of something.

2011-08-31T22:46:00.009-04:00

boo-hoo! first post after weeks is finally here! won't be posting dozens of

words though, it's like 11.38pm right now. but since my dear pussy puss

friend requested, i'm gonna play nice and post something. lol, just kidding.

been having orientations this past three days. today's is the best! saw

so many hot dudes and hunks at the bbq and club fair. more than i've ever

seen anywhere in my life, i tell you. and paul.. was like.. ah never mind.

it's the first night i'm staying in my apartment tonight.. along with my

room-mate, Mabel. the cutesy girl is from hong kong. i still have tons of

things to buy and trust me, it gets very, very overwhelming. what more

with the new places, cultures, etc.. & classes are starting TOMORROW!

i'd go nuts if mum isn't here, thank God she's here. anyway, first class will

be at 11.30am tomorrow at wannalancit building. funny name, you think?

"wanna-lance-it" lol. the other girls and i love to make fun of it, hahaha!

alright, bed time. thank me later, puss. hehehe. nuhnight!

broken but not defeated.

2011-07-30T12:35:00.003-04:00

whoa, seems like i've not been updating this blog for years! i'm back with

splashes of exciting things to share, hehe. i am left with 18 days left (soon to

be 17 days) until my departure. i'm going to the united states of america! can

you believe it! couldn't either! all my thank yous to my parents and Jesus...

a few months back, i remember how i've struggled to get my parents to allow

me to study psychology, and now, i'm just a few more days away from a new

chapter of my life. everything seems surreal. i still have a whole lad'a stuffs

to pack, and of course, buy. i'm aware that all of the expenses that my dad is

about to spend on me will sum up to an amount that is equal to a bomb. not

happy about it at all, but i can only promise them one thing. i will make them

proud, by making something out of myself. won't be so soon, but i'll do all

that i can. cause after all, i can never repay what they've done to me. never.

days are going by faster. i pray to God that i'll make it. don't worry mum,

don't worry dad. i'll prove you wrong, and make you proud. i love you.

rock-bottom? better not.

2011-03-04T08:12:00.003-05:00

why hello you. it's been over a month since i'm back in my hometown.

how have i been doing you may ask? i've been good, been better though.

same old boring me and my now boring life. i'm getting tired of the same

old routines though. i mean, i miss school. i miss having lectures early in

the morning, i miss hanging out with friends, i miss having a life that's

alive. know what i mean? i don't exactly know what i really want to get

across through this post, but i just feel caged at the moment. to know

that we're living in a huge world, with plenty of places to see, billions

of people to meet.. those facts just hit me (along with imaginary frying

pan) on the face. and also the (another) fact that i'll be 21 by december

is totally scaring me. God knows i have always been having problem

with age and birthdays. i mean it scares me how time flies by so much

faster that it did before. or maybe not, perhaps it's just me, but still!

i just wish this whole university thing will be settled fast. i can't wait

to get back to studying, meet new people, see new things. i can't wait...

hopefully at least one of my applications will be accepted. just one.

reconnected.

2011-03-03T06:40:00.004-05:00

of course i'm honored that you still consider me as the person that you'dtell your stories to, silly girl. doesn't matter that we're now miles away,you're still one of my bests. i'm glad we had the short conversation today.
love you always, babe.

if, always.

2011-03-02T09:26:00.001-05:00

"if two past lovers can remain friends, it's either

that they are still in love or never were."

guess i've always been in love with you...

swoon.

2011-02-28T01:02:00.002-05:00

jeremy gilbert...

baby kodi.

2011-02-23T22:46:00.005-05:00

baby kodi, daughter of Dylan Corey Nickerson and Kayla Regnier.

she has grown so much! definitely a happy baby and a blessing.

this little cutie is apparently in a johnson baby photo contest on

facebook. it'd be nice if you could cast your vote by clicking here.

hehehe, and that's little baby kodi cuteness for you.

PS: photo credits to Dylan Corey Nickerson.

speed of dreams.

2011-02-17T10:08:00.007-05:00

i'm never a fan of beetles, any of it's species. but this one is different.

prettiest beetle alive. one day i'll ride you, baby! real beetles still suck, btw.

misses and memories.

2011-02-16T09:22:00.002-05:00

i miss singapore, i miss my friends & everything that i left back there.

you know what? i guess i left a little of my heart in singapore after all.

deeper than the ocean.

2011-02-15T00:25:00.005-05:00

the girls that got my back, since high school. the ones who would squeezed

themselves into the same cubicle that i'm sobbing in. i miss you, ladies.

love.

2011-02-10T00:11:00.000-05:00

I am in love. deeply in love with God. :)

as confused as I'll ever be.

2011-01-31T03:11:00.003-05:00

well i guess this is the part of my life, where i'm confused about what i'm going to

be or what i'm going to do with my life. i've seen many movies, stories that tell

such similar scenario as what i'm going through but i never thought that it would

be this hard. it's like i'm trying to swim back to the shores, but the waves keep

pulling me back into the water. one day all seems well, one day things fall apart.

it has always been hard for me to speak my mind out to my parents. i guess

that's what i get for being away from them during most of my teenage days.

the thing that bothers me so much is that, because of my inability to tell my

parents about what i want and what are my plans, i've been living someone

else's life and that brought me to practically nowhere in my life. you know?

when my parents told me to not go into republic polytechnic, i listened to them.

when the witch and my parents told me to move to adam international fake

university and take business management instead, i listened to them. but after

all those listening and obeying what they say, look where i am now? i'm far from

being happy, far from earning income, far from what i want to be in my life. and

believe it or not right now if i don't stand on my ground, i'm about to listen to

what they're telling me to do, again. sometimes i feel like jumping off a cliff & die.

the fact that my parents never do their own research and won't take what i say

seriously sickens me to the bottommost core. i'm sick of them, listening to only

what other people say. i'm sick of them, looking for the fast lane in everything.

don't they ever learn their lessons? don't they ever realize that they're wrong?

i don't want to, i am not interested in business studies or studying in china.

i don't know why my parents, are so obsessed about china, but they need to

realize that i am not them, and they are not me. that i need to start living my

life, not theirs. i know, all the past studies have drained a huge loads of money.

i am aware of that, but they should stop blaming it on me, because i didn't choose

all of those things. when i mention about this to them, all i get is utter bullcraps

about me, not telling them what i want or me didn't put any effort to disagree

with them. when the fact is, i did, for many many times, i have tried. but no,

they refused to listen to me. yet right now, when i'm trying to speak out

what i want, they don't even want to listen to me. what the f is that?

so pa, ma, if you're reading this, give me the chance to study what i want.

give me the chance to do what i like and what i've planned. i promise you that

i won't disappoint you. i know the risks, but i am willing to take it. that's how

badly i want this. i don't wanna take another wrong step. not now. i need to

start mending my life. i need to start doing something about me. i need this.

boys.

2011-01-26T11:12:00.002-05:00

at this point of my life, i'm beginning to think that boys are just a waste of time.

most of them have only been giving me hard times, tears, and more hard times.

nothing good. with this view, it's easier for me to focus on my goals & work towards

it. they say, "push away whatever that's hurting you". and so, i'm pushing you.

and more of those you's.

man and boys.

2011-01-24T03:01:00.003-05:00

if there's anything that i've realized today, it'd be the differences between men and

boys. i had such a great photoshoot today, with a photographer called, P. it's my

first outdoor shoot after quite some time. but i had such a great time, no doubt.

now, i haven't met P anywhere in my life, today is the first time. there's something

that i realized when I was with him, and that'd be how he treated me, and how

some of my other guy friends treated me. he helped me to carry my bag, show

obvious concern when i was about to faint, got me a glass of water for me to drink

when i seemed dehydrated, walked me to the taxi stand, opened the taxi door

for me, and blahblahblah. i know, you'd probably give me remarks like, "oh you

barely know him" and others similar remarks. but, you're missing my point.

some of those girls that i know, have been putting up with terrible treatments

by their guy friends, or even boyfriends, yet, they still choose to stick around

them, ignoring the fact that they're slowly losing their dignity and self-respect.

what i'm trying to say is that, stop putting up with shitty treatments by boys

that you know damn well don't deserve you. know that there are men out

there, that will respect you and treat you the way you should be treated.

and those are the men that you want to keep. not ones that constantly

make you feel bad, argue with you or not respecting you, in any way.

trust me when i say, the feeling when you meet a man and a boy, is really

different. besides, by leaving all those boys behind you, you're respecting

yourself and more gentlemen will come over your way, guaranteed. don't

take anything less than you should be getting. respect yourself, do your

own thing. before long, you'll have men all lined up for you. no more of

feeling sad, blue, moody or even angry. satisfaction? guaranteed. ^.^

No more.

2011-01-04T06:14:00.004-05:00

"when we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grow up. our answers

were things like astronaut, president or in my case, princess. when we were ten,

they asked again and we answered, rock star, cowboy or in my case, gold medalist.

but now that we've grown up, they want a serious answer. well, how 'bout this... who

the hell knows?! this isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions. it's time to make

mistakes. take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere chill. fall in love - a lot.

major in philosophy 'cause there's no way to make ca career out of that. change

your mind. then change it again, because nothing is permanent. so make as many

mistakes as you can. that way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be,

we won't have to guess. we'll know." - Jessica, Twilight Eclipse.

I've made my mistakes, I've chosen the wrong turn.

even though it's not easy to make amends for what's been

done, I'll stand on my ground because it's now or never.

2011-01-01T22:21:00.004-05:00

the mermaid is back.

bulls and a cow.

2010-08-12T22:46:00.003-04:00

come to think of it, i don't relate to the song i love the way you lie by eminem ft.

rihanna, at all. because, i never liked the way it hurts and i most certainly

don't love the way you lie! took me months to get myself around this

now, i'm getting my head out of the clouds, i'm bringing it back

down to the water where it belongs. i'm moving on, finally.

but this time, it's for real.

watch me burn.

2010-08-11T06:24:00.002-04:00

you know, i really don't know how to run away from this anymore. all i know is,

this is killing me slowly. i know that this is wrong. i know i shouldn't be this

way. i know i should stop. i tried to stop. but the more i'm trying to pull myself

away from you, there's nothing i can do to stop my mind from thinking about

you every single day. so then i tried to reach you again, but all the things

from the past just came back rushing in at me again. drowning me and now

i'm suffocating. knowing that you're the only one that has ever treated me the

way you do, and the fact that i can never have you like i did in the past, it feels

like as if every single atoms in my body is burning and turning into ashes.

honestly, i don't know if i'm making any sense at all. i realized that i shouldn't

be feeling this way anymore long before today. but i'm still too attached to

you (and perhaps still loving you more than i realize) to say "be happy" and

go on our separate ways. this is insane. this is as crazy as killing myself!

"just gonna stand there and watch me burn,

well that's alright because i like the way it hurts.

just gonna stand there and hear me cry,

well that's alright because i love the way you lie."

what have i gotten myself into? snap out of it!

mine.

2010-08-08T06:57:00.004-04:00

"you made a rebel out of careless man's careful daughter,

you are the best thing that's ever been mine."

i'll try to not type one whole chunk-o-words. but if i do, sorry, there's

just too many things in my mind going around like a carousel and

i'm getting dizzy. so i guess i'll just vomit the words out and be free.

talked on the phone with qim's mom earlier in the evening. it was only a

two minutes talk, but it's really good to know that she's doing good.

she was telling me about the fact that she's going to make a baju kebaya

out of the cloths that was bought by qim's aunt for me. there will be

a wedding in october, which is qim's cousin's, that i am somehow invited

to. and for that, they bought cloths and all to make a kebaya for me. i

honestly don't think they should go through all the trouble for me. cause

really, they could just invite qim's new girlfriend or whatever. but out

of basic courtesy, i won't reject the offer. besides, they're like a family to

me. i can't wait to see them this september and tell them lots of stories.

on another note, i don't know what's up with my dad these past years.

he's been... different. unlike the dad that i knew way back then, he's

far more worse now. i don't know why. sad to know that he changed.

on a lighter note, i've been doing a cover on miley cyrus' stay. can't

wait to record it and see what my friends have to say about it.

i've been crooning to taylor swift's mine. she has never failed

to make me fall in love with all her amazing songs. and just so

you know, the quote up above is for you, m. i'm so random.

till then, have a good week ahead, sweet&bitterhearts! xo.

fly away.

2010-08-05T01:08:00.004-04:00

if there's one thing that i've learned today, it'd be something about men.

they want what they can't have. they love challenges. and if a girl decides on

being too easy to get, chances are either she won't get him or she'll only

be used by the guy until someone better comes along. that's men for you.

but when you decide to be strong, hold your own ground and not just

"give yourself away" so easily to the guy that you like. if they like you,

they will chase you, you just have to enjoy your life and be amazing.

as for my ex-crush, you were too fly then so fly away now. i have no

idea as to why i had a crush on you back then. i had a good laugh

trying to figure out why i did. because boy, you're out of my league.

haha, just kidding. we're better off as friends.

miss gullible.

2010-08-02T04:15:00.004-04:00

"then alone i'll wake to my own mistakes,

that it's just a foolish games."

that's my poor, late brownie. died because of one cruel creature.

a human. or maybe not, because he doesn't ever has a heart.

i remember how brownie used to sleep right beside my bed (in the

box, of course), and gone missing in the morning. i had to drag

my cupboard just to get him out from under it. i miss that cutie...

on a lighter note, been quite some time since i spend the whole day at

home. usually, i'd be outside with mom and will only come back

home after six in the evening. but today while everyone is outside,

i'm home, with my tooshies glued to the chair, hogging the laptop.

tomorrow is a big day though. mom will be doing an event for

her cooking stuffs. my cousin and i will be there as vips. not fun at

all, because we'll be going around and introducing items, and get

the customers to buy. something like a sales person. not so vip

after all. but mom has been working on this for some time. so i'll

just do my best & try not to disappoint her. i'm not good at it, see.

mmh, been thinking of some people back there in singapore. from

all that thinking, i realized that there are people that i thought

were my friends, but they actually, are not my friends. because

friends don't make use of each other, right? they don't just forget

you like that, or ever, right? well i was gullible. that will have to

change. so if you consider yourself my friend, please act like one.

anyway, august is here. just one more month till i'm back in sg.

well, hopefully. have a good month ahead, ya'll! hugs & kisses!

north carolina.

2010-07-21T00:01:00.005-04:00

sometimes i think i dream and want a little too much. but i can't help it.

today, i stumbled upon this tumblr, owned by a beautiful girl called tima.

that tumblr is actually dedicated to her boyfriend, steven. unlike other

tumblrs (and so very much unlike mine) hers is only filled with pictures of

her and her other half, steven. very sweet pictures, some even got me

smiling to myself. making me look like a bigger idiot than i already am.

okay i just cried.

moving on. so, they basically reminded me of where i was just a few

months back. they reminded me of someone that was once mine, or so

i thought. or maybe he was never mine, considering the fact that he's

already married (i didn't know it at first, don't get me wrong). it's sad.

i believe every girl in this earth, even those female aliens out there in the

universe would want to meet what is well known as "the other half". one

that'll shower you with much love unconditionally, one that will do anything

just to make you smile, and all that sweet things. i thought i've found mine

after the long and hurtful waits. but as usual, i was wrong. but however,

i'm probably a few steps closer to meeting that right guy. if you ask me

about this, i will forever be full of doubts. because for each single time i

start believing that one day i will have my own happy ending story to tell,

that's when some jerk will just crush all my hopes and i'm back with none.

it has always been that way and i don't know if the story will ever change.

i know God has a bigger plan, but not knowing about the future is

killing me slowly. faith. yes, i'm in need of that. i'll just keep on praying.

praying that one day i may finally meet the one person that i can call my

own other half. i thank you tima & steven, for giving me a glimpse of hope.

too much to think.

2010-07-20T22:13:00.003-04:00

i think.. i need a life. a life where i can do something fun and carefree.

i think.. i've grown to love singapore more than i plan to. i don't know why.

i think.. singlehood isn't so bad afterall. in fact, i think i'm enjoying it.

i think.. i'm sick of martabak keju already, but i still have those in the fridge.

i think.. i thought too low of myself and that is not good. i need help.

i'm a loser for ending each sentence with a dot.

why? i don't know why either. i need a life!

hold onto myself.

2010-07-19T09:33:00.002-04:00

"be strong now, because things will get better.
it might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever."

with every tear.

2010-07-16T00:23:00.003-04:00

i've been up earlier than the past few days today. mainly it's because of mom

though, ha. she was asking me how to turn the iphone off. couldn't get back

to sleep again after that, and obviously, mom wouldn't allow me to, doh.

currently crooning to amanda seyfriend's little house. such haunting voice.

i'm sitting here, wondering what do i want to do with my life, what have

i done with my life, and all that. if i see it from my parents' view, perhaps

i'm just a failure. no, i'm not just being emotional or whatever not. it's

just that, thinking back, i never really do anything meaningful in my life.

it's not that i don't want to do anything, see. sometimes you just want to

do so much, so much that you don't even know where to begin. that's

what happening. looking deeper, i'm not much of a good example either.

times like this, i just want to cry my heart out. then again, what's the use?

i've come to a conclusion that, i'll just do whatever i can to be the best

that i could and keep the suicide or whatever nonsense thought away from

myself. i'm sure if i bring myself closer to God like i used to last time, i

can go through this. i'm just too far, too far away. it's sad that when people

say, "you can always reach out to your family, when you're sad or happy",

it doesn't really apply to yourself. at this point of time, i'm referring to

myself, by the way. i can't talk to my parents or my little brother if there's

anything in my mind. if i did, they'll just take it wrongly. it has always been

like this. guess this is why i prefer to be quiet and keep things to myself.

how i wish Father is here to tell me what to do and where i should go

from here. i wish i can just talk to someone that would understand.

one that actually care to listen to what i have to say. but it's okay.

i know He's always with me. I'm strong, and i know i'll be okay.

2010-07-14T09:28:00.000-04:00

not quite spankin' new, but i'm back :)

my heart.

2010-04-25T08:46:00.004-04:00

"everyone makes mistakes, but at the end of the day,
none of that matters. what matters is how you learned from it."

you know, last night was one hell of a night for me. not in a good way, but in a bad way. i
made one huge mistake and was being overly emotional, like how i was months ago when
i know i shouldn't have acted that way. and i feel terribly low in many ways right now.

seeing you earlier yesterday was such a bliss to me. i probably didn't really show it, but
that was probably my favorite time that we had, just the two of us. and i was happy to
have you with me through out the photoshoot. if you weren't there, i probably would be
dead by now, or something close to horrible would happen to me. but things went down
the smelly drain when the photoshoot was over. you know, i spent hours and hours with
your friends. i've been fine all this while with you meeting up with your friends on every
other days when you're not in camp. but for once i wanted to spend time with me as well
as my friends, you failed to do that. i remember those days before we were together, we
would spend hours and hours together. but i don't see so much of that anymore. almost
feel like the fire and excitement are gone, and i don't want that. i miss what used to be.

and i never thought that you'd have the heart to do what you did to me last night. not
picking up my calls, not being there like you said you would, switching off your phone,
all that reminds me of a terrible relationship that i was once in. i was terrified, of losing
you and that things between us would be over and i'd be left alone again. do you know?

honestly, i don't like who i've become at all. i don't like what my past relationships with
boys have turned me into, at all. i miss the girl that i used to be. one that doesn't pay
much mind on these kind of things, one that is never too emotional, one that knows how
to take control of things around her. hundred miles apart from what i am right now.

and to you, guess what happened last night was partly my fault too. i wasn't being fair
with you in a way, for letting my past took the best of me. i let the emotional side of
me took control. i really am sorry for that. but you have to understand, i wouldn't be
like this if you didn't do the things that triggered all that. because the fact that i gave
a chance to let this relationship grows, pretty much explains that i do love you and
i want this relationship to last, as much as you do. please, believe me when i say that.

there's so much that i want to tell you, that i want to share with you. but you see, i
just don't know how. i hope what happened will bring us even more closer somehow.
i do need you to prove all your words to me and help me to get through this tough
phase that i'm facing. prove to me that you're not the same and that you're for real.
after two series of horrible break ups, i trust you enough to hold my heart. please
handle it like it's your own and not break it, poke it, or whatever. i'm not opening
myself up to you just to get hurt again. you're probably sick of those sentences, i've
been repeating them a lot lately, i know. but this is a huge step to me, & i'm afraid.

i don't ask for much, nor do i ask for material things. i just want you to prove to me
that you are for real, and that you are serious with me. i learnt a lot from what
happened last night, and one of the things is that i now know that the love that i
have for you is actually stronger than i thought. so please, let's do this together.
i have more to say, but i guess i'll say the rest when we meet again. te quiero.

♥, Vely.

2010-04-22T03:00:00.010-04:00

hey you, it's been awhile, i know. sometimes i really want to pour things out into words but
i usually gets so lazy and in the end, not typing any entry at all. but today, i have some'in
to share with all of you. something that really punched my heart and left a huge hole on it.

i was checkin' my email just a few minutes ago, and found a forwarded email with a title that
seems to be really important. now, i don't usually check my email and read those forwarded
emails. so, i opened the email and i thought it's going to be about some rubbish nonsense and
that i just wasted a few minutes of my life. but no, this actually opened my eyes to the things
that i didn't know before. instead of forwarding the email, which i know most of my friends
won't really open it (they'll probably delete the email instead), i've decided to type and entry
about it. i know for a very long time there are mankind that are very, very cruel. they've
forgotten about the world, and their surroundings and are just too focused on themselves.
ever heard of those japanese killing dolphins or something at some cave? the one that has a
documentary made about it? well this, is similar. but even more cruel. take a look at these.

did it somehow pains you to see those photos? let me tell you what those idiots are doing.
those photos are taken at Denmark. heard about the sea water changing colour because
of whatever bullshit about the changing of climate that affects the nature. it's actually
because of cruel creatures (those stupid men in the photos). they're killing hundreds or
maybe thousands of the famous, intelligent, kind-hearted Calderon dolphins! why? it's
because those stupid, rotten-hearted men want to prove that they're adults and mature!
when i read that sentence i seriously feel sick to my stomach. why can't they just fuck
girls (like some angmohs do) & that's that? why must they bloody kill innocent dolphins?!

what's even worse is that they do this every freakin' year like it's some kind of national day.
bloody fools. most of the "participants" are young teens, that explains why they want to
act macho and prove that they're an adult. #$@%! i'm so furious and i feel like screaming.

"In this big celebration, nothing is missing for the fun. Everyone is participating in one way
or the other, killing or looking at the cruelty “supporting like a spectator”

world of shame.

2010-04-22T03:00:00.009-04:00

hey you, it's been awhile, i know. sometimes i really want to pour things out into words but
i usually gets so lazy and in the end, not typing any entry at all. but today, i have some'in
to share with all of you. something that really punched my heart and left a huge hole on it.

i was checkin' my email just a few minutes ago, and found a forwarded email with a title that
seems to be really important. now, i don't usually check my email and read those forwarded
emails. so, i opened the email and i thought it's going to be about some rubbish nonsense and
that i just wasted a few minutes of my life. but no, this actually opened my eyes to the things
that i didn't know before. instead of forwarding the email, which i know most of my friends
won't really open it (they'll probably delete the email instead), i've decided to type an entry
about it. i know for a very long time there are mankind that are very, very cruel. they've
forgotten about the world, and their surroundings and are just too focused on themselves.
ever heard of those japanese killing dolphins or something at some cave? the one that has a
documentary made about it? well this, is similar. but even more cruel. take a look at these.

did it somehow pains you to see those photos? let me tell you what those idiots are doing.
those photos are taken at Denmark. heard about the sea water changing colour because
of whatever bullshit about the changing of climate that affects the nature. it's actually
because of cruel creatures (those stupid men in the photos). they're killing hundreds or
maybe thousands of the famous, intelligent, kind-hearted Calderon dolphins! why? it's
because those stupid, rotten-hearted men want to prove that they're adults and mature!
when i read that sentence i seriously feel sick to my stomach. why can't they just fuck
girls (like some guys do) & that's that? why must they bloody kill innocent dolphins?!

what's even worse is that they do this every freakin' year like it's some kind of national day.
bloody fools. most of the "participants" are young teens, that explains why they want to
act macho and prove that they're an adult. #$@%! i'm so furious and i feel like screaming.

"In this big celebration, nothing is missing for the fun. Everyone is participating
in one wayor the other, killing or looking at the cruelty “supporting like a spectator".

"they don't die instantly. they are cut, 1, 2 or 3 times with thick hocks. and at that time
the dolphins produce a grim extremely compatible with the cry of a new born child."

"but he suffers and there is no compassion till this sweet slowly dies in its own blood"

"Is it necessary to mention that the dolphin calderon, like all the other
species of dolphins, it’s near instinction and they get near men to play
and interact. In a way of PURE friendship."

are you crying? or at least shed some tears? i did. sigh. what's happening to the world?
why are human starting to be so selfish and inconsiderate? it's no wonder that the world
is coming to an end if things are going to continue like this. the earth, the world & everything
in it are getting sick and tired of the cruelties coming from us human. i wish people would
stop all this shits and make amends to the previous mistakes. and let's start it with us.

something has shifted.

2010-04-10T21:30:00.005-04:00

"if you only knew what my heart goes
through for you, i'm trying to break through."

last night was amazing. did lots and lots of catch up with the bunch. at the end of the day, i found
myself laying lethargically on my bed. and when i woke up, i just realized that i have yet to take
a bath. eee-eww, nasteh. but what's a girl to do when she's just so tired & sleepy. so i guess i'm
excused, haha. but anyway, had a great time with the girls. the birthday party was such a blast!

met syakinah at tiong bahru and we were supposed to make our way to pasir ris from there. but
last minute she received a call from izan & shalini. they wanted to get f21 voucher for sharlize so
we had to make our way to vivo city. because we were (especially me, hehehe) lazy to take the
train, we decided to take the taxi & split the cost. the chalet was packed with people celebrating
birthdays, i tell you. it's like one birthday song after another. very lively atmosphere, indeed.
but those guys from china over at the other chalet were talking as if they're going to have some
kind of riot, very annoying. the food was delicious! just too bad i don't know how to eat fried
rice with chopsticks, lol! we arrived just in time before sharlize cut the cake & blow the candles.
the cake was so pretty, it has sharlize's face on it, super adorable. the whole thing was just so
awesome (notice how i can't stop saying it?) and with my favorite color everywhere, that's a
bonus, hehehe! however the cab ride home was beyond horrible. twenty five buckaroos gone
just like that. there goes the dollar bill, sigh. all because me and shalini missed the last train.

on another note, things aren't going that well between the relationship that i'm in now, again.
i told you this is such a roller coaster ride. didn't receive anymore text from the boy, and so
i'm left hanging by a thread, sigh. enough of the whole chunk of words, i feel like smoking now.

♥, Vely.

desperate for your voice.

2010-04-09T09:42:00.002-04:00

"no matter how many miles separate us,
love has no distance in our hearts."

your call by secondhand serenade. i still remember of how i got to know about that song and
when i first listened to it. and you were the one that told me to listen to that song when we
were together back then in 2006? and when i first went to the club, you were there with
me, protecting me from whoever that were dancing behind me because i was such a noob
like that, hahaha. but until now i still can't seem to remember the reason why we broke up
back then. however today when i gave a thought on how we met each other back after all
those years and now that we're back together, it seems so.. surreal. i can't even remember
how we got to contact each other back. but i remember clearly when we first met again.

i remember how i've always been pushing you away, but you just kept convincing me that
you won't ever hurt me and what not. well, you still have much to prove to me, baby.
but i'm happy enough to know that someone like you care about me and all that. right now,
all i want is for you to come back and i want to throw the tightest hug that i've ever given
to anyone on you. i never thought i'd miss you this much, honestly. i surprised myself.

that aside, enough of the whole mushy mushy things. this morning, i woke up with half
swollen face and upper lip. i was shocked and panicked like a mad woman, of course.
told my maid about it and she said it's because of me, smoking -_-" so instead of feeding
myself with scary thoughts by what she said, i decided to call mom & dad. dad told me
to go to my cousin's clinic at mount elizabeth because he had a feeling that it must be
from my teeth, well actually, mom thought so first. but yeah, bathed and quickly made
my way to the hospital through cab, of course. no way when i'm conscious that i'd ever
take the bus with half swollen face and upper lip, thanks, lol. it's against my own law.

blah blah blah, my cousin told me i had to go for a root canal, it's like a minor surgery.
he referred me to this doctor at lucky plaza medical center. did the whole procedure and
my teeth hurt so bad after the root canal thing so the nurse told me to eat the medicines
and painkillers. even after the whole thing, the swelling is still here but the painkiller did
a good job in killing the pain. i just can't wait for the swelling to be gone because i want to
go to school, i want to do things outside! i need it to be gone like as soon as possible, sigh.

just received a text from the boy. told him about the whole thing that happened. and
when i asked him if he still wants to be with me now that i have a half swollen face as well
as upper lip. all i got for a reply was, "of course i want to be with you. no matter how ugly
you look i always love you". sweetness overdose. i think if being away can make him be
more sweeter i'd want him to be away as much as possible, hahaha. just kidding, baby.

eight more days to go until you're back but i'm already missing you so bad. but one thing
that i know is that, we're under the same sky, the same moon and stars tonight. and
that is enough to make me feel like you're here and before i know it, you'll be back here.

with me.

♥, Vely.

lovesick crackhead.

2010-04-08T10:22:00.003-04:00

"i get so high when you're with me but
crash and crave you when you leave."

i survived the first day! tomorrow will be harder though, the boy will be in the jungle for the
whole day and so he won't be able to send any texts. like he said, i probably just going to
end the day earlier than usual. beside, i don't know what's happening, but the space between
my hose and my upper lip is like, swollen. maybe tomorrow morning before i go for the
lecture i will be going to the doctor to see what's happening. but i guess it's because i didn't
drink enough water or something. i have to admit though, this scares me. it hurts so feakin'
badly. ol'right, g'nna tuck myself in now. goodnight, everyone. sweet kisses and jelly hugs!

"when i come back i will kiss you like i never kiss before".

♥, Vely.

come to life.

2010-04-07T15:07:00.003-04:00

"love is not a thing to rush, it's a feeling
you should trust, it'll be that way with us."

it's a quarter past 3am, and i just reached home from the airport a few minutes ago. watching
him walk through the gate and check-point was probably one of the hardest things that i
had done this week. it'll be ten days before i can see his face again. it will be tough because i
know that i'll miss him, but i know that he will be back before i know it. & all will be okay.

as i'm typing these, he's probably in the plane, flying his way to brunei. nothing much that i
can do other than pray for his safety, and to wait for his call or text. mmmh, despite the
overwhelming feeling of sadness, i enjoyed the time spent with him and his family earlier
today before the goodbye. maybe one of these days i'll pay his mom a visit at her shop ^.^
sigh, i definitely will be missing that boy. ten days suddenly seem to be such a long time.

wrote him a letter, a last minute letter. because i totally don't know how to put what
i wanted to say into words. and my plan of writing the letter during my lecture this
morning totally backfired because i wasn't feeling that well since i slept late the night
before and so i missed the class. instead, i wrote the letter while he was right beside
me, talking to his family. i know, it was so rude of me to do that, but when else would
i be able to write the letter then? but anyway, told him to read it when he's in the
plane, so right now he is probably reading it. and you wouldn't want to know about
my handwriting. it was terrible, i tell you. and i think i did misspelled "writing" as
"writting". embarrassing, but o'well, i was racing with time & my brain had an error.

oh, his parents and other family members sent me back home since it was already
too late for me to take cab, extra fares and all. they have been so nice to me and
i'm starting to feel uneasy because i keep on troubling them with unnecessary things
like sending me home. but i appreciate what they've done. they've been great and
so does the boy. it's only been about two hours or so but i'm already missing him.
but i guess i better go and tuck myself in now, unless i want to miss another class.
so, dear you, please call me soon because i'm missing you badly. goodmorning, all.

♥, Vely.

i belong to me.

2010-04-06T14:59:00.005-04:00

"my heart is my possession, i'll be my own reflection."

it's past midnight, here i am trying to pour out my thoughts into words just like any other
nights because i have no one to share these with. and i know my entries have been kind of
going up and down, left and right. i guess it's because i'm confused with what's been going
on these past few weeks. times like this i feel like i don't even know what i want out of this.

you, have been very nice and sometimes, sweet to me. but see, i just don't feel like what
we have is right. at one point, things are great and almost perfect, but the next thing i
know, everything will just go down before it comes right back up again. yeah, just like a
roller-coaster like that. and now i'm thinking maybe it's not you, maybe it's me. i find it
so hard for me to open up myself to anyone right now. after all that i've been through, i
wish i could just be happy about what we have. but as a matter of fact, i'm barely happy.
for some unknown reasons, each time you tell me that you love me, i don't feel like you
really mean it. i just don't feel it, you know. honestly, i really, really am sorry for that.

the things you do and the way you do it are just different from me. sometimes it hurts
me in ways that you just won't understand because i am one complicated girl. each
time i try to talk to you about what i feel and all that, i don't even know where to begin
or how to even say it the right way. i always go out of the track and in the end, not
saying what i wanted to say to you. even now, i'm struggling to find the right words.

remember when i told you about what kind of relationship that i wished to have? i
don't think this is it. i spent nights after nights thinking about this. days that i'm sad
are uncountable now, and yet, it's not even a month. it's probably because of the
differences, or maybe it's me. maybe i'm just not that ready to be in a relationship.

today, you'll be going off to brunei. i don't know if i should be sad or happy. now i'm
only considering happy as a choice because i think it might be a good time for me
to take some time off from all these, though i know i will miss you. but i know i have
to decide what's best for me, and you. i need to be true to the both of us and things
have to be right before i fall in even deeper. i don't want to hurt myself nor you.

now and then i was there in the moment, but i now realize that i was ready for
nothing. if you really love me, i must be breaking your heart right now but that
doesn't mean i really don't love you, because i do. i feel bad that my past hurt you
but i really didn't mean to. what i've been through turned me into someone that
i am now. i was lost, and i'm lucky that you found me again after all these years.
however, things only got worse with my feelings growing each day and yet i'm
still confused whether this is right or wrong. whether this should be continued.

you see, my words can only hurt you until you're able to prove me that i'm wrong.
until i see that you're for real. until i'm sure this is what i want. i don't want to
rush anything, because as the saying goes, hearts were never meant to race. i
want this to work out and last, but if this is how things are going to be for the rest
of the journey, i'm not sure if i want to hold on any longer because this, is tiring.

"if you like me, tell me. if you miss me, show it. if you love me, prove it."

it's a quarter after 4am now, and i have a lecture to attend at 10am. i probably
won't be paying much attention though, because i'd be writing a letter for you
to read while you're in the plane. i better get some more sleep now. goodnight.

♥, Vely.

back to love.

2010-04-05T13:36:00.002-04:00

"all i really wanna do is to fall even deeper with you,
never come up, breathing underwater."

it's 1.58am and i am not yet asleep. laying down on this rocky bed, thinking about you.
and honestly, i don't really know what to say. things are just too overwhelming. the good
and the bad, all still tangled up. part of me is still scared too open up to you, but the other
doesn't want to run away anymore. just the thought of you going to brunei this wednesday
makes me sad, like real sad. i'm afraid i might go overboard. i'm afraid i might be falling.

i was going back through the archives and found the post on the day that i first met you
again after years. the day that you saved me from crying and took me to meet your
family and your newborn baby niece. i'll never forget that day, that's one thing for sure.
of how you talked to me on the phone throughout the whole morning while i was crying.
of how you introduced me to your family. you are and always have been very sweet.

guess for now, i'll just let the love grow on its own. what the future holds, i don't know.
but i'm hoping for the best, always have been. and today when i see you again, i'm
going to give you the tightest hug because yesternight i forgot to give you one, heheh.

anyway, before i get to meet the boy today i need to get some errands done. i have
until the afternoon to get all ticked. printing, binding, transferring, blah blah blah.
sounds so boring, i already don't feel like doing it. however, this girl has no other
choice because the damn dateline is today! sigh, better get some sleep now. night!

♥, Vely.

crazier things have happened.

2010-04-04T11:36:00.008-04:00

"i am just a girl, i can't change the world cause
it's way too tough, so maybe i'll start with love."

today, i initially wanted to end the whole thing but the boy refused. he was being
persistent and all of not wanting to let it end, and me, knowing i do have feelings
for him still, decided to give it another spin. but things are just different you know.
like when i'm with him, physically, compared to when we're just texting or talking
on the phone. i guess that's when the hard part comes, again with ns. sucks balls!

anyway, today met up with him after spending time with aunt ong and her family.
had a good conversation with hong ya, and uncle ong. funny people. aunt ong cooked
chicken chop and cuttlefish for me. loved the chicken chop, but the cuttlefish, not
so much. it was so freakin' chewy! ended up eating almost one full bowl of chicken
chop, and only about four pieces of cuttlefish, lol. the boy picked me up at pioneer
mall. rode to lot one because he, initially wanted to shop for a polo shirt, but, ended
up buying his underwear -_-" honestly, felt weird to be there while he was choosing.

but anyway, sat under some hdb block and talk nonsense after that. took a picture,
and he took like minutes just to draw something that shouldn't take that long. look.

i was definitely sweet for him to took the time just to draw, that. and he wore the
shirt that i bought for his birthday too! hahaha, happy. he's in johor bahru now.
doing stuffs with his bike and... putting rear view mirrors! lol, like finally! don't
want to kena saman already is it? heheh, okay, g'nna chat with friends till he
comes back. it's a new week tomorrow. have a good week filled with love!

♥, Vely.

because i'm not giving my heart away.

2010-04-03T21:40:00.006-04:00

edited, 11.31am.

"i refuse, you must have me confused with some other girl.
your bridges were burned, now its your turn to cry."

don't be surprised if i go mia. i need to untangle all these tangled thoughts in my head.
and to you, if you're just going to play around, i suggest for us to stay as friends and
you can go find some other girl that is willing to put up with your acts and whatnot.

"pick up the pace, or i might just leave your space."

previous post, was amazingly short despite i was filled with fury last night after what
happened. now that i think about it again, i shouldn't even feel the way i did. it was
just stupid. regrets always come later right, i know, what's new anyway. so last night
was saturday night. i secretly have been waiting for that day to come because that'd
mean that i would be meeting the boy. he ended up texting me at 4.10pm saying that
he's already home and asking what time was i going to meet him. in the end, he was
the one that told me to meet at 6.30pm. blah blah blah, i don't really feel like telling
the whole story and type a whole chunk of words. basically, yesternight sucks balls.
whatever happened, really does make me think twice about your love and all that.

on a brighter note, it's easter today! will be going to aunt ong's house, been awhile
since i last visit her family. the rest of today's plan is still as clear as mud. what's
new anyway. i better get ready now and start making my way to pioneer. ta-ta!

♥, Vely.

cry me a river.

2010-04-03T10:11:00.004-04:00

"treat your girl right, or other men will."

do you know that i dressed up for you? no, you don't. do you know that i clear my
weekends for you? no, you don't. do you know that i've been waiting for this day to
come just to see you and spend time with you? no, you don't. i've been keeping
my mouth shut and tried to put up with this, but tonight, i'm getting sick of this.

i am not okay, and thank you for that.

call him mine.

2010-03-31T11:50:00.002-04:00

"a man's trash is another man's treasure."

just hung up the phone call after talking with the boy before he goes to sleep. he's
been such a sweet candy all the way through the call. i was sad & all that before i
talked to him, but when i did, i just couldn't stop myself from smiling. i'm a sucker
when it comes to sweet nothings and all that mushy stuffs. at least, he doesn't
make me cry. "don't think about the past, think about the present, the future", aww..
throughout the years that i've known him, he's always been sweet & all that (",)

mh.. he'll be going to brunei darussalam for ten days, this upcoming tuesday. i'm
actually sad over the fact that he has no other choice but to go (because ns is such a
bitch like that!).. but guess i'll just have to wait till he comes back and just enjoy
the time while he's still here. we talked about buying stuffed toys for each other
so both of us can actually sleep with it during the times when we're not together.
he actually suggested that, shocking. then again, i find that really, really sweet.
then we talked about taking pictures together, print those out and he'll stick them
on his locker, and whatever else. he's been so sweet, & he needs to stop it before
i get diabetes, lol. i'm happy with him around, but it gets awkward. sometimes.

oh BTW! it's official, i am done with exams! the next will be on june though, but
yeah, until then, i'm going to use the time to grow back my hair and make it less
frizzy each time i'm done washing it, lol. mkay, g'nna tuck myself to bed now, night!

♥, Vely.

i be stuck to you like glue baby.

2010-03-30T09:16:00.000-04:00

"now we murderers, because we kill time."

hiya! how have you been doing? i'm just days away from being bald -__-".
all the studying and whatnot is driving me crazy. thank God tomorrow is
the last exam. but i screwed two papers already.. which means, i am dead.
i need to get some kind of good luck charm & turn my bad marks to good.

i don't really know what to pour out but i just feel like there are words that
i should vomit out. sigh, i hate blank minds. guess i'll have to wait until the
next train of thoughts to come. 'til then, see ya & enjoy the rest of the week!

♥, Vely.

you're gonna catch me if i fall.

2010-03-28T10:51:00.000-04:00

"I don't need a parachute, baby if i got you."

today has been rather sweet, despite the fact that i actually should be cracking
my brain and study for tomorrow's marketing management exam. i really
need to get started like right after i'm done vomiting my thoughts, hopefully.

anyway, the boy picked me up at my house and then we rode to marina
barrage. but in the middle of the journey, a road police asked him to pull off.
because of what, you ask? because that boy didn't have any rear view
mirrors -__-" i've told you already, kan? put those damn mirrors. degil.
so he got fined for 30 buckaroos. just because of mirrors. i find it so stupid.

bla bla bla.. the weather was scorching hot today. but marina barrage was
still packed with families, friends and such.. kites were flying all over the sky.
we ended up going to marina south pier after smoking, which was way more
relaxing & lesser people. bad thing is, there were foreign workers everywhere.
talked about stuffs, sweet nothings, & played tap tap revenge. i won, doh, hehe.
stayed there until the moon was up and then he sent me home because he
wanted me to study but here i am, taking my own sweet time. slap me, please.

okay, i really need to get these brains working before i end up failing my
exams. i definitely don't want that, because i want to graduate! okay, tata!

♥, Vely.

i'll be loving you long time.

2010-03-26T12:30:00.000-04:00

well, today didn't go as planned but still, it's been such a long day and i'm
feeling super lethargic right now. morning lecture was great, and dian's
showcase was awesome. i'm so proud of her for doing such a great work on
her final year project. hopefully she'll get a job offer, a good one, that is.

while spending time with my precious dian, i received a text from the
boy asking if i receive any text from his mom. apparently, his mom
wanted me to accompany her to fetch baby eriqah. so, made my way
all the way from tampines to jurong east, went through such boring mrt
ride. spent the rest of the evening with the boy & his family, good time.

look at eriqah! i dare you to tell me that she's not cute, ha! she's
such a doll. i'm in love with her cute antics and adorable smile.
and then the boy sent me home and gave me a small peck.
what a sweet way to end such a long day. good night, all.

♥ Vely.